Mother Culture for the Overwhelmed Mom
Homeschooling, even if you’re using the Charlotte Mason method, can feel overwhelming. Yes, the CM method is more gentle and puts less pressure on the mom, but it can still be a big adjustment. Know that you are not alone, and that homeschooling really comes with its own challenges!
First, here’s some hugs, Mamma!
Questions to Help You Assess Your Situation
Next, to help you find a sustainable solution to the feeling of being overwhelmed, do you mind if we ask a few questions?
Are you overwhelmed with the things to do related to school, or related to everything else?
If it’s related to school, we understand it can be challenging because of all the different subjects included in a CM education that we may not be used to. One way of getting around this is not to expect to do everything all in one go when you’re just starting; for example, you might start by adding nature study but not add picture study yet until you’ve got the hang of it. Or, you might choose to have one book done on audiobook instead of you reading aloud everything.
If you don’t already have one, it might help to have a daily schedule in place. This can come in the form of a daily schedule that’s pre-made for you, or you can take a break from school lessons for a week to craft one. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but having a checklist will help you keep track of what you need to do. We can easily get frazzled when we don’t know what to do next, and having a list might help.
If you realize that you need a bit more hand-holding and would prefer a pre-made lesson plan, consider checking out your options online, such as our Charlotte Mason International Curriculum, designed to be open-and-go to make things easier for busy moms.
Do you get time for yourself to recharge?
One of the lessons I appreciate learning from Charlotte Mason is the concept of mother culture. As a mom of five children at one point (we foster and adopt, so our family total changes every so often), I was overwhelmed by all the responsibility. As mothers, we tend to want to serve everyone else around us, and we may hesitate to take care of our own needs. At least, I strugged with it.
Thankfully, an older and wiser woman repeatedly reminded me to do self-care—what I believe is the modern-day equivalent of the term “mother culture.” And I must say it helped keep me sane throughout that difficult time! Since then, I’ve become more intentional at setting aside time when I can feed my soul, and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
So what is “Mother Culture”?
Although we can’t find the term in any of CM’s own writings, it’s a concept that she strongly espouses. Eventually, the term was coined by the Parents National Educational Union (PNEU), the group of parents who gathered together to learn more about her philosophy.
In Volume III, No. 2 of The Parents’ Review, a regular publication that the Parents National Education Union set up to publish thoughts on her philosophy, we read:
“There is no sadder sight in life than a mother, who has so used herself up in her children’s childhood, that she has nothing to give them in their youth. When babyhood is over and school begins, how often children take to proving that their mother is wrong. Do you as often see a child proving to its father that he is wrong? I think not. For the father is growing far more often than the mother. He is gaining experience year by year, but she is standing still. Then, when her children come to that most difficult time between childhood and full development she is nonplussed; and, though she may do much for her children, she cannot do all she might, if she, as they, were growing!
Isn’t that a common occurrence for us as mothers, beginning from our first baby’s incessant demand for attention, all the way to toddlerhood and onwards—and not counting the siblings that come to start the process all over again!
The Parents’ Review article goes on to say:
Is there not some need for ‘mother culture’? But how is the state of things to be altered? So many mothers say, ‘I simply have no time for myself!’ ‘I never read a book!’ Or else, ‘I don’t think it is right to think of myself!’ They not only starve their minds, but they do it deliberately, and with a sense of self-sacrifice which seems to supply ample justification.
Mother must have time to herself. And we must not say ‘I cannot.’ Can any of us say till we have tried, not for one week, but for one whole year, day after day, that we ‘cannot’ get one half-hour out of the twenty-four for ‘Mother Culture?’–one half-hour in which we can read, think, or ‘remember.’
The habit of reading is so easily lost; not so much, perhaps, the power of enjoying books as the actual power of reading at all. It is incredible how, after not being able to use the eyes for a time, the habit of reading fast has to be painfully regained…
What does Mother Culture look like? From the text above, it simply encourages us to find ways to keep growing as an individual. I always like to expand it saying, “Children are born persons, but mothers also are individual persons, with the needs and wants of an individual person.”
Mother culture can look like different things to different people. Try to think of things that you love doing, activities that refresh and energize you afterwards. I add a caveat: let it be something you can do apart from the kids!
In Volume 1 of CM’s Home Education Series, we read:
“… Frequent change of thought, and the society of other people, make the mother all the fresher for her children. But they should have the best of their mother, her freshest, brightest hours…”
Clearly, we don’t use mother culture as an excuse to leave our responsibilities to our children; instead, we value its importance as a crucial time for being refreshed and energized, and then we come back in a better state of mind to deal with our kids!
Mother Culture Resource Recommendation
If you’re looking for resources on Mother Culture, this book entitled Mother Culture by Karen Andreola is a personal favorite:
The book is laid out in such a way that you can read only one short chapter at a time, or even jump around the chapters depending on what strikes your fancy at the moment. I’m especially blessed by the wisdom that Karen Andreola shares from the years she’s spent implementing the CM method. (Hmm, I may write a more detailed review soon!)
Take Time Out for Mother Culture
We hope this inspires you to carve out time to refresh and grow yourself. You need it, and your family needs it!
